You Don’t Have to Look Sick to Deserve Help: The Shame That Keeps Eating Disorders Hidden
By Becky Stone | Guest blog for Chrissy
By Becky Stone | Guest blog for Chrissy
Why Do So Many People Delay Getting Help?
Because they’re scared.
Because shame is loud.
Because so many people have been told their pain doesn’t count.
Again and again, I see it. People reach out for support and then disappear. Some rebook a year later and say, “I think I’m finally ready.” Some don’t come back at all—not because they don’t need help, but because it takes so much courage to ask for it in the first place.
And truthfully, I get it.
I’ve lived it.
The Myth of What an Eating Disorder “Should” Look Like
When I was really struggling, I got compliments.
“You look amazing.”
“How do you eat so much and stay so slim?”
I loved those comments. They gave me a hit of something that felt like safety or success. But I was cold all the time. I couldn’t concentrate. My hair was thinning. My brain was full of food noise from the minute I woke up. Nobody saw that side of me.
Atypical eating disorders often look exactly like that—like you’ve got it all together.
They’re silent. Well-hidden. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t serious.
You might be eating just enough to get through the day, overexercising, spiralling in food guilt, or skipping meals to feel in control. You might not “look underweight,” but inside your body and mind, the damage is real.
And yet, the comments keep coming.
“You’re so disciplined.”
“I wish I had your willpower.”
“You don’t look like someone with an eating disorder.”
What No One Talks About
Atypical anorexia is often overlooked, but it’s just as dangerous as restrictive eating at lower body weights. The name itself, “atypical”, makes it sound rare, but it’s not. It just means your weight doesn’t meet the outdated BMI markers for anorexia.
Here’s what I want people to know:
You can be in a medically “normal” weight range and still be severely struggling with an eating disorder.
You can be praised for your self-control while feeling completely out of control inside.
You can be slowly falling apart while everyone tells you you’re doing great.
When Clients Say, “I’m Not Sick Enough”
It breaks my heart. And I hear it all the time.
It’s not that people don’t want support. It’s that they’ve absorbed this idea that support is only for people who are visibly unwell. That they need to earn their place in therapy by being thin enough or ill enough.
But that’s not how healing works.
You don’t need to be on the floor to ask for a hand up.
You don’t need to wait until things are unbearable.
You don’t need to punish yourself into being “worthy.”
The belief that you have to prove your pain is one of the most toxic parts of diet culture, and our wider mental health system. And it keeps people in silent suffering for far too long.
If You’re High-Functioning But Struggling, This Is For You
Some of the clients I support are working full-time, achieving top grades, and managing households. And yet they’re battling constant food guilt, binge–restrict cycles, fear of eating in public, or internal rules that leave them exhausted and ashamed.
They’re often the people who’ve convinced themselves they don’t need help.
But functioning doesn’t mean thriving.
Performing doesn’t mean peace.
And just because you’ve learned to mask it doesn’t mean you’re not hurting.
From Therapist to Human
I’m Becky. I’m a therapist who specialises in eating disorder recover, but I’m also someone who’s been through it. I know what it feels like to hold it all together on the outside while crumbling on the inside. To feel like you’re never quite ill enough to ask for help.
That’s part of why I do this work.
Because so many people are falling through the cracks.
Because shame is keeping too many people stuck.
Because therapy can change your life, but first, you have to believe you’re allowed to have it
You Don’t Need to Prove It
If you’re reading this and wondering if it “counts”… it does.
If you’re eating less than you want to, obsessing over food, or battling self-hate and shame after meals, then your pain is real.
And your recovery matters.
You don’t have to look sick.
You don’t need a diagnosis.
You don’t need to reach a breaking point.
You just need to know this: you are allowed to get help.
A Message to Anyone Who’s Not Ready Yet
Maybe you’ve reached out and cancelled. Maybe you’re hovering over a therapist’s page but haven’t hit “book now.” Maybe you’ve told yourself, “I’ll wait until I lose more weight,” or “It’s not that bad yet.”
I want you to know the door stays open.
You don’t have to get it perfect. You don’t have to be ready today.
But when you are, even just a little bit ready, I’ll be here.
About Me
I’m Becky Stone, a trauma-informed, neurodivergent therapist based in Canterbury. I work with both adults and teens struggling with eating disorders, body image, and emotional burnout. I know how hard it can be to reach out, especially when you’re not sure you even deserve support.
If any of this resonates, you can learn more about how I work https://www.counsellorwhocares.co.uk/ . There’s no pressure—just a space to explore what recovery could look like, on your terms.
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